I can do this. Lily Tomlin, 242. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". How do trees access the internet? My son is now an entrepreneur. 260. Robert A. Heinlein A backbone. 241. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. I am my childs greatest comfort. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 175. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Enjoy! Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. 63. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 278. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. 223. Find a quiet place without distractions. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". It gets toad away. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. - George Burns. Actually, you dont have to imagine. 8. 62. I did not trip and fall. 21. 1. But you can always be immature. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Everyone brings happiness to this office. I am quite fascinating. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. You were too lazy to read that number. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. 107. 146. health is important. Effective pushing often involves poop. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. 102. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. Its called tomorrow. 72. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. Run. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. 227. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. Albert King. Funny positive affirmations do work. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. Im describing you. - Catherine Pulsifer. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. 233. Lily Tomlin For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Why was six scared of seven? Love your enemies. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Alright, get in the basket.. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. 173. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . 187. At night, I cant fall asleep. 262. 10. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. 4. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 88. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. I honor that time. 171. 225. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. Its okay, he woke up. - Roy T. Bennett. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Wonderwoman: single. I draw from my inner strength and light. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. 150. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. 74. 81. We all need a little energy boost here and there. 74. I always find something funny in every situation. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 235. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. I intend to live forever. Send me the link. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. I will smile while I still have my teeth. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. Can February march? If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. 80. 70. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 227. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Steven Alexander Wright What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? When life closes a door, just open it again. "We . They planet. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. Exercise? 192. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 45. 71. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Because seven ate nine. 26. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. 277. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 196. 5. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. 99. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. 73. It makes them so damned mad. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Bill Murray 49. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Some when they enter, others when they leave. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 212. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. My body deserves love. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. Read the first word again. 210. Really? I tell you what always catches my eye. 160. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. I just go normal from time to time. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! He who laughs last didnt get it. P.D. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. 31. Emphasis on the cool. I am tough and resilient. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. I try to see the funny side of every situation. I make a difference by showing up fully. We frequently doubt ourselves. 101. 70. Bill Murray 130. 145. Today, I look at my goals. 121. Honolulu, its got everything. Bill Gates. 219. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. 157. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 28. Youre talking to yourself. So, why not team them up? They planet. 69. Look, youre smiling! 129. George Burns 166. Only two more days until Friday.". I am grateful for all that I have. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". 138. Make it inspiring. 44. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Any text will do. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 76. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. 221. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 133. Hi! 158. - Kyle Chandler. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. -Katrina Bowden. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. I am intelligent. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . 128. Just like every Monday does on Earth. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". 234. 24. 71. Unknown. 167. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. 3. Never take life seriously. Never ask a starfish for directions. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Its scary when it disappears. 2. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Those who snore always fall asleep first. 278. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. Alright, get in the basket. 224. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. I am attractive just as I am. 120. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. When nothing is going right, go left. 94. 98. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. A mind is like a parachute. 1. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. I dont think thats a coincidence. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. If only common sense were more common. 193. Never let anyone waste your time twice. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Live life to the fullest. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Henny Youngman 135. 264. I accept my body the way it is today. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. 3. 68. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. Its okay if people dont like me. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. East 2. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. Ive been doing nothing for years. 36. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. 53. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. 197. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. 25. 49. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. God has never abandoned me. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. "Your mistakes don't define you.". Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! Today is a great day. You cant have everything, where would you put it? When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. Nothing, they just waved. They log in. 189. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 9. 30. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. The world is missing some pizzazz. Effective pushing often involves poop. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Envelope. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. 86. The best things in life are free. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. I see the funny side of life more and more. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. But even if this does happen, who cares? If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 271. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 2. Focus on the positives and be grateful. 92. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Why was six scared of seven? 93. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. I am on a seafood diet. I enjoy every minute of it. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Expect nothing and appreciate everything. 5. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Because it was soda pressing. Not me, but somebody does. 84. My mistakes dont define me. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. And get over it. It gets toad away. 107. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. Today I was a hero. 208. A backbone. 68. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. 48. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 185. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. You were too lazy to read that number. 204. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. 98. 15. 7. 201. 57. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". 156. 1. 1. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 205. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. It takes so little to change your life! Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. 154. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. 19. -Gandhi. Benjamin Franklin. 61. 146. 113. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 245. Why cant you trust an atom? Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. I am lazy till I get a motive. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. Life is becoming easier and less serious. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Ken Dodd, 255. And a funny bone., 10. - Unkmown. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. 168. All rights reserved. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. Its a door, thats how they work. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? How do trees access the internet? I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. He who laughs last didnt get it. But you can always be immature. Funny Affirmations. 250. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. 170. Paul Ehrlich, 241. I enjoy every minute of it. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 3. A backbone. 231. I can always think of something funny to say. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. 40. My mind is becoming much sharper. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 90. 119. In the morning, I cant get up. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. 2. 105. 218. 125. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. 37. 8. 1. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. 89. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. 134. You try again, but no sound is coming out. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? We need to hear a pin drop. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. 152. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. 19. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Swimming trunks. 1. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 199. "Disconnect to connect.". Milton Berle, 245. 122. 190. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 1. 224. 118. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. 136. 127. Not everyone has good taste. 267. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. 237. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. 265. 80. 94. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. 207. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. I am intelligent. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! 128. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. What is Mozart doing right now? Edward A. Murphy If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Not everyone has good taste. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. 38. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 75. 247. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. All you need is love. Alison Boulter 103. Confidence makes me powerful. 96. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. Batwoman: single. And a funny bone. Best friends eat your food. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Czech proverb Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). Pat Sajak, 41. 230. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Jackie Collins 119. 178. Bill Murray Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. 249. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 91. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Franklin Jones, 259. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. Sam Levenson 52. Franklin Jones 43. Why is England the wettest country? "You have to be odd to be number one.". I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. Its okay, he woke up. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. I dont worry about getting older. 244. Rome wasnt built in a day. Helen Giangregorio Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 215. 103. I am here to live to the fullest. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. 199. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 4. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. Life begins on Friday night. Snowballs. 82. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. I understand people talking about me. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. 1. 191. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. I love my job only when Im on vacation. 270. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 141. 9. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. I feed my spirit. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 15. 217. Erma Bombeck Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. What do you call a bear with no teeth? I am so f*cking awesome. Honolulu, its got everything. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Im gonna be worse., 12. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.