dirty golf quotes dirty golf quotes

Because you got me soaking wet. Nuts! An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. Keep your sense of humor. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Clubbing. 5. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Just ask my ex -wives. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. I had a hole in nothing. Wodehouse Hit the ball. My shaft is bent. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. He was perfecting his swing. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. The battle that raged inside each players head. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. The end. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Putter Around. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? What do golf and sex share in common? These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Andy who? Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Sir W.G. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Why a carrot as a logo? Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. Dont even putt. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? putt." 3. Jack Benny. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Knock, knock Mini Golf Captions. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. 1. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Wodehouse, 31. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. They have been there where we are standing now. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Clubbing. when we were married," said the pouting wife. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. Bruce Lansky, Author. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Intercourse! Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. Twelfth son of the Lama. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Happy Gilmore. If you drink, dont drive. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. Because they might get a slice. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Very interesting. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. 8. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. Sawdust City LLC. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? The other 20. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. P.G. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. My drives aren't always long and straight. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Knock, knock "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? P.G. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. 3. 7. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! Because all the other four letter words were taken. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Lee Trevino. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Wash your balls. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. Go to the golf course. "Golf is like a love affair. Roarin' Mcllroy I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. 2. Many golfing terms sound naughty. Thats incredible. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. Damn, girl. Nothing. Why are golf and sex so similar? Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. You hit down to make the ball go up. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Boo. If you break 80, watch your business. Why dont skeletons play golf? Id cry too if I played golf like you. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. Noah who? 20. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Lift your head and spread your legs. 1. Knock, knock 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? On the Green In Two. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? 20. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Toggle Navigation Menu . Boo who? The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Damn, my shaft's all bent. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Another Ball in the Trees. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Whos there? We share them in our weekly newsletter. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. -Happy Gilmore. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? 4. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". 3. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. They have a hard drive. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Im the best. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Your second mental problem is concentration. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life.